why i decided to enter a pageant

Never in my life had I ever thought about doing a pageant. Okay, that's not completely true. In college, I participated in a scholarship pageant at the suggestion of a friend, but that wasn't in any official pageant system, and due to all that was going on with my life that semester, I can't say that I was truly mentally present during that experience. So the Miss San Antonio Texas USA pageant in the Miss Universe pageant system will be my first "real" pageant.

Now some of you might be reading this and questioning why is it a big deal. Well, let me tell you a little bit about myself.

My name is Andre-A, but most people who know me call me Dre. I’m currently 25 years old, turning 26 at the end of the year and I have finally hit my breaking point.

Two degrees and several failed attempts at a career later, I decided in the words of Lizzo “It’s About D*mn Time” for me to finally do something for me and me only no matter how illogical it may seem to those around me.

Okay okay, that’s simplifying the issue just a bit…well more than a bit, so let’s back up and start from the beginning, shall we?

Last year around November, while I was fighting my way through nursing classes and hating every second of it, I had the brilliant idea to enter a pageant. What do nursing school and pageants have in common? Absolutely nothing. What do I and pageants have in common? Also nothing.

For some context, I am a 5’1 black girl who deleted my entire social media presence during the pandemic because I hated the thought of people being able to see what I was or wasn’t doing with my life while in the same vain, I didn’t want to compare in my mind, my lack of accomplishments with my peers. And to be completely honest, I felt like I didn’t love myself enough to post pictures of myself or even of my creative endeavors. The last few years haven’t been easy on anyone, but for me personally, the past 12 years or so haven’t been a walk in the park.

At 13 years old I left the only place I had called home to move halfway across the country to the great state of Texas. With that move came a lot of depression, anxiety, lack of self-confidence, self-doubt, and loss of a sense of self. And as a bonus, a laundry list of new allergies that have made every single day a constant struggle.

For the past decade I spent a lot of time listening to other people tell me how I should live my life or who I should be. People telling me what was best for me, what I could or couldn’t do, judging me by looks, judging me by my knowledge…and when everyone around you is giving their input daily, it’s hard to hear your own voice.

Doing things to please others led me to stop caring about my personal well-being. My mental and physical health suffered tremendously. It’s hard to care about yourself when you’ve been doing things you hate on a daily basis for several years.

Yeah yeah yeah, that was a lot of backstories you probably didn’t ask for, so the main question is where does the pageant come into play?

Growing up I used to watch the Miss Universe pageant on tv. While the women were always beautiful, I was more in awe of the dresses and the platforms they talked about while on stage answering the questions the judges asked them. I would always wish that I could grow taller so someday I could get the chance to represent my country and the things I stood for while wearing beautiful outfits because at the time I wanted to be a fashion designer.

As you can see that did not happen. The height is nowhere to be found, which I was reminded of quite often growing up, and I am currently in the process of moving back home to be a techy freelancer.

Although I might not have been confident in my looks, I’ve always gotten comments from people on my personal style and that I had the face to be a model, even a Victoria’s Secret Angel…if only I was taller.

But why? Why does my height matter? I’m not trying to be a basketball or volleyball player where height does play a major factor. I just want to be a representative and example for people who look like me. People who dream like me. What does my height have to do with it?

So I said screw arbitrary rules that aren’t actual rules at least not currently. I wanna be Miss Universe. And to be Miss Universe I have to be the best version of myself. So I’m using this pageant to start anew.

You know how as soon as the clock strikes midnight on January 1st, people like to claim “New Year, New Me?” It was a statement that before never really had much meaning. Well, this year I meant it.

I’ve spent the first two months of this year creating a routine for myself. Waking up and exercising first thing in the morning, drinking approximately 8 cups of water each day, creating both a morning and night skincare routine, and floss every single night. Yes, you heard that right. Every single night. Not just waiting for the day before I have to go to the dentist like I used to.

I also have plans to make all the doctor's appointments I have been avoiding, starting or continuing projects that I have planned for years it gave up because felt like I didn’t have enough time or resources or simply enough I didn’t believe in myself.

I wanted to document this journey that I have decided to embark on this year not just for myself, but for other people who are trying to create a better version of themselves. I wanted to prove to myself and others that I could do what some may deem impossible. That I could reach the childhood dreams that I gave up on as soon as real life started getting in the way. But before I could start to share it with other people I had to prove to myself that it was possible. I took this past few months to prove to myself that I can do whatever I put my mind to, that I can stick to a schedule, and that I can better myself, and now that I have done just that I am ready to share my journey with others. Of course, there have been struggles, but this is only the beginning.

This is basically the last year that I can do something completely reckless without too much consequence. A big factor is the last year I can be on my parent's insurance so getting a job with benefits will become a necessity. Don't worry, I got that part covered. I recently received a tentative offer to start Air Traffic Control training but the vetting process takes a year all on its own.

This year I plan to do things I had never even thought of. Things I had dreamed of as a child and forgotten about along the way. Things that the world had told me weren’t possible or weren’t feasible in order to exist in this world. This is the year where I prove everyone wrong and bring joy to my inner child.

While others have been following their dreams, I’m just getting started. Before I would be tempted to say that I was behind, that there was no way for me to catch up, but everyone has their own pace. Some people take longer to figure out things than others, and I’m here to prove that is absolutely okay. We’re so used to seeing people after they’ve gone through the hard part when they’re starting their journeys, it’s easy to forget we all had to start somewhere.

Some may call me ambitious, some might call me crazy (which I have to be honest, it might be a little out there, but at this point in my life I have nothing to lose but time), and others might call the whole thing inspiring, I just call it finding myself.